Eminem Says MTV Awards Stunt Made Him Gay
MALIBU, Calif. (CAP) - Rapper Eminem has reportedly checked himself into the Urokey Rehab Clinic after what friends describe as "bouts of homosexual behavior" over the past week. Those close to the Detroit native say the move is not a ploy for publicity in the wake of the release of his latest album.
"Yo, my homeboy's definitely got something wrong, if you know what I'm saying," one friend who asked not to be identified told CAP News. "He's all been dry-humping the air and shit, and the way he looks at me now is just wack.
"He's like a friggin' dog in heat, except there ain't no girls around," the friend added.
Female friend Dina Rae confirmed that she did recently drive Eminem to the rehab center at his request, but only after she let him accompany her to an interior design store to pick out some new curtains for her bedroom. Rae said his color sense and knowledge of the various fabrics was spot on.
"I dunno, I kind of like the new Marshall [Mathers, Eminem's real name]," Rae said. "I think it's just this kind of new sensitivity that could win Mariah back, I really do."
Speculation is running rampant that Eminem's odd behavior is the result of a stunt he staged at last weekend's MTV Movie Awards that featured Sacha Baron Cohen descending from the ceiling as his scantily-clad gay character Bruno and "accidentally" straddling Eminem's face. The rapper eventually squirms out from between Cohen's legs and leaves the arena, visibly disgusted.
"But look, look at the footage of him walking up the aisle," said CAP News videographer Lucas Swanson as he analyzed tape of the awards show. "He doesn't just leave like the script called for, he stops multiple times and looks back, like he's not sure he's doing the right thing.
"Here, right here," Swanson added as he paused the tape on a close-up of Eminem's pained face. "I think we can pinpoint this very moment as the exact time when Marshall Mathers became gay."
Officials at the Urokey clinic have been fairly tight-lipped about their newest celebrity patient, but one orderly did confirm that Eminem's room has been stocked with a number of porn magazines and Clint Eastwood movies, while he's only allowed to wear drab t-shirts and jeans and eat food that comes from a can.
A number of health officials, homosexuality experts and Republicans around the country are anxiously awaiting the results of Eminem's rehab stint, hopeful he will prove their theory that homosexual behavior can be changed.
"I'm not so sure how well this is gonna work," said the orderly. "Everytime I see him he just keeps saying, I can't believe I'm fucking gay.
"That is, when he's not trying to climb on top of me."
u guys believe this shit??